Baboon Mocking

I've been mocking baboons for more than two years now. I've pointed at their swollen red butts and laughed. I've cheered on lions in chase of fleeing baboons.

Photo source: Knuttz.net


















But it's a good thing to be reminded that I've got to have a healthy respect for those fangs. If someone were to set up a cage match between me and a baboon (I'm not sure why I'd sign up for that), the baboon would emerge the victor (assuming the baboon even saw my pasty self as a threat worthy of attacking in the first place).

I'll continue to mock baboons, but only with a CRT monitor, Cat-5 cabling, several servers, and temporal displacement between me and them.

The Baboon

Let us present our first primate addition to Ugly Overload. Here is the baboon. The most ugly feature is readily apparent.

This is a female baboon. Can you believe that that rear end is meant to attract males?

Photo courtesy: www.abc.net.au.






Here is a male baboon. No doubt, this one has just caught sight of that butt above and is quite interested. Need I say more about a creature who would find that attractive? No. Hideous looks for a hideous animal.

Photo courtesy: www.unc.edu.

Baboon Equivalent

My first thought upon seeing this photo was that this must be the baboon equivalent of me washing the dishes or rubbing my wife's feet.

That thought was followed by two more, in rapid succession: 1) It's good to be human, 2) I never, ever want to draw any corollary between baboon grooming habits and anything I do with or for my wife ever again.

Still, good for him. His lady friend looks pleased. I'll bet he has a nice-sized harem.

Photo source: Brett Fernau

Circle of Life

Do we really need to know the backstory here? I think we all can assume that the baboon is at fault, and probably deserves what's coming to him.

The baboon doesn't look pleased, and I don't know if he got enough of a headstart on Mufasa. If it's any comfort to the monkey, Elton John once told me that this is just the Circle of Life. And a lion's gotta eat just like everyone else. I'm sure that's exactly what's going through the baboon's mind right now.

Spidery Admonition

The ornate golden baboon spider has been in the news lately. It seems that a bloke in Suffolk County, NY, got tired of having this spider as a pet and did the right thing and turned it in to the local chapter of the SPCA.

Now, folks, let this be an admonition to all would-be pet owners. If you think that maybe, just maybe, having a hyper-aggressive, poisonous, 5" spider might not be the best pet for you, then don't buy one. Err on the side of safety if you must. The same goes for fuzzy kittens and fad-sized puppies. But I know I'm preaching to the choir here.

UPDATE: according to one of our resident spider experts, the spider below is a togo starburst baboon, not an ornate golden baboon. Shame on you, Associated Press, if you fed me a bad photo!

Photo source: Miami University Tropical Ecosystems

Bringing Home the Baboons

I can see dressing up a capuchin monkey, maybe even a spider monkey, and keeping it for a pet. But there is something very wrong in bringing a baboon home with you!

Though, admittedly, this baboon seems to have a real affection for his master. Or his master's food.

Does the guy even know the monkey is there? That would spoil my appetite [[shudder]].

Photo source: Knuttz.net




















I don't think even Michael Jackson would let his kid near a streetside baboon, hooded sweatershit and leash or not.

Ugly Runs Strong

Sometimes this blog is too easy (unless I'm doing posts on tiny fish). Take this baboon, for instance; he makes my job so much easier.

Did you know that the fives species of baboon, along with the Mandrill and Drill, are among the largest of the non-hominid primates? Why is it that each of these has made appearances on this blog? Ugly seems to run strong in non-hominids. Heck, the same goes for hominids.

Photo courtesy: baboon

Respecting Our Elders

Seems like the elders get the respect in baboon society. This old man is the king of the lot at his zoo. His harem has the most ladies and offspring. The terms 'crusty,' 'curmudgeonly,' 'cranky,' and 'hoary' must be prominent desirable traits found in baboon personal ads and dating sites.

I hope to get even a fraction of respect this monkey gets when I reach his equivalent in human years. I may have to learn how to bite harder and throw my feces with more accuracy, but hey, a Jedi's gotta do what a Jedi's gotta do.

Photo source: Patricia van Casteren

I Can't Believe I'm Saying This

Photo source: Verizon.net
Say hello to the gelada. Theropithecus gelada (theropithicus = "beast-ape") is a baboon relative native to Ethiopia, though the fossil record has them all over northern Africa and even into Spain.

What impresses me most about this monkey, aside from the mane on the males, is that hour-glass patch of bright skin that looks as though the animal's chest and neck is being flayed open.

The patch is prominent in the males, less so in the females. But, when the female is in oestrus, the patch brightens and even becomes festooned with a 'necklace' of fluid-filled blisters.

**shudder**

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I prefer the baboon equivalent of the swollen rear end on the ladies. So why doesn't the gelada sport the bloated red rear? One theory is that it would hinder the gelada, since it spends hours each day scavenging for food in an upright sitting posture. Hey, that's how I spend most of my day too.

Thanks for the gelada, Ida.

Photo source: Futura-Sciences.com

















Photo source: Monkeyland.co.za

Rolling Out the Uglies, Part I

Yahoo! Photos has been supplying us with a cornucopia of ugly animals of late. There are too many to bring you just one a day, so I'll be pumping out some extra posts to keep up.

Below is a male Hamadryas baboon (papio hamadryas). This chap looks a bit nonplussed, but I don't know why. Even though this particular species is common enough and easy enough to breed that no other Czech zoos keep them (this one lives in Liberec), this baboon's exhibition is one of the most frequently visited at his zoo. He's getting lots o' love. Oh well, you can't please every monkey.

Photo by RadekPetrasek, via A/P & Yahoo!

Valentine Baboon

This is my gift to you. Instead of sending a teddy bear holding a heart, or a heart-shaped box of candies to your sweetheart, why not send them this photo of a baboon with a heart-shaped butt? This primate was made for Valentine's Day, and romance is in the air, my friends.

..feel free to leave comments with some potential love notes that might accompany such a photo...

Photo courtesy: Strange Zoo

I'm Thinking Baboon

I need to hone my primatology. Especially when it comes to developing my baby-monkey-identifying abilities. Now, that is a marketable skill set.

I'm thinking this one is a baboon. Any takers?

A lot of you are going to be upset that I posted on a baby, because you think I am disparaging this little one for being ugly. Mind you, he is ugly, but I'm fully aware that his large eyes, big ears, and endearing countenance are going to evoke your care-giving and 'aww' reflexes. It worked on me, too.

I'm just giving this baby some web time here, becuase I don't think your average cute animal site will give it the time of day. It just isn't in the same category as fluffy bunnies and floppy-eared puppies.

UPDATE: A reader has identified this as a baby macaque. My guess wasn't far that off at least. Thanks for the help.

Photo courtesy: Steve Evans

Happy Ugly Fourth of July

Hope you're all enjoying some nice cold summer treats like this baboon at Hangzhou Wild Animal Zoo in China.

Selected for your enjoyment from the Telegraph's Animal Pictures of the Week by your friend Wombat (No Relation).

Monkey Mockery

You might be inclined to mock this monkey. But you wouldn't dare do so to his face. He's a hamadryas baboon (Papio hamadryas), which makes him among the largest primates on the planet. That makes him your superior when it comes to strength and agility. He might not understand your taunts, but you would sure understand your flesh being flayed.

Photo source: John Booth

Monkey See Monkey Doo

I've always thought that monkeys don't get enough attention for the creative hair doos (don'ts?) Take these shots, for instance (gelada, ebony leaf monkey, hamadryas baboon, cotton-top tamarin, and lion-tailed macaque). What LA hair dresser wouldn't be proud of these creations?

Photo source: Jean Yves et Francis




























Photo source: Ian Thomas





















Photo source: Marika Bell




















Photo source: Eduardo Tavares




























Photo source: Allard Schager

Sleepy Primate

I'm a sleepy primate (that's great, maybe even super, ape to these monkeys below) today. Our ten-month-old son has been enjoying getting up before 5am for the past couple of days.

I wish I had some proper fangs to bare at him. I imagine in the dim light of the LED night light we have in his room that the fangs would look nice and intimidating. Maybe he wouldn't be so eager to get up...

(hamadryas baboon, mandrill, and golden snub nose monkey)

Photo source: Edgar Thissen




















Photo source: Tiger Jack


























Photo source: In Cherl Kim

Be Thankful

I thought we could all use a medley of primate rears today, as an exercise in gratitude. You are most likely sitting down as you peruse this post, so take a moment and be thankful that your rear isn't as swollen and engorged as these (well, hopefully). It's gotta be painful right? The baboon in the second shot looks like she's letting it dangle instead of trying to sit on top of it.

From the looks of that last photo, the big red booty gives young ones something of a fleshy saddle to straddle. Makes riding on mommy's back a bit more comfortable. And look at their intertwined tails. How precious is that?

Photo by Hanan Smart




















Photo by Amsk


























Photo by Beate

Yawning Baboons

This is what a chacma baboon (Papio ursinus) looks like when it yawns. Imagine what it looks like when it's displeased? He can probably put those fangs, which are larger than a cheetah's, to good use.

Chacmas are the largest monkeys out there, weighing in at 59 - 97 lbs. They live in groups called troops, led by an alpha male and female. Their society is complicated, but basically revolves around becoming and staying dominant (much like middle school). When on the move (which is almost always), the alpha pair leads with the male in front, while the other males form a ring around the rest of the females and the young. Males will commonly become foster parents to little ones who have lost their mother.

Some more factoids: they can live up to 45 years, can run 35-40 miles an hour, and even their principal predator, the leopard, takes them on with great caution.

I recommend checking out more of Gerhard's. photos. He's a triple threat: he is a fantastic photographer, he actually lives next to a nature reserve in Africa, and he knows his zoology. That's a sure-fire recipe for great photos. I'll be bringing a few more of his photos to light shortly.

The Awards Are Out

The awards are out for Wildlife Photographer of the Year, and here is one of the entries. It's identified as a baboon, but I'm not convinced. Could it be a drill?

It could be my brother, but he doesn't like to go outdoors (no place to plug in his game consoles).

Thanks for the photo, Ida.

UPDATE: Christopher has identified this as a Sulawesi macaques-and he should know; he's working on his PhD. Thanks, Christopher. You're more qualified to run this blog than I am!

Photo source: Stefano Untherthiner via Telegraph.co.uk

Tarantulas Galore

Jade, extraordinary breeder of inverts, has sent me a treasure trove of new photos of his wards. I'll be passing them along in bits and pieces, so as to spread the tarantula and roach posts out. Here are the first four, complete with info straight from the expert himself.

1) Usumbara orange starburst baboon (Pterinochilus murinus). Over in their native Africa they have earned the name of 'orange bitey thing', and it is well deserved. They'll take on all comers, any time, any place. Unlike other tarantulas that are static in their hunting technique, these tarantulas will pick and choose to be arboreal, terrestrial, or burrowers, and will likely change tactics a couple of times over their lifespan.























2) Antillies pinktoe (Avicularia versicolor). These northern Brazilian tarantulas are some of the most colorful and docile tarantulas out there. This is Jade's favorite species, and that's saying something. This particular individual (a female) just passed on a couple of days ago. May you find abundant prey in the Spider Elysian Fields.























3) Red and white birdeater (Nhandu chromatus). Meet Nightcrawler. She is so-named because she moves so fast, it seems that she teleports. Jade opened her egg sac seven years ago, and they have been companions ever since. These birdeaters are a fairly aggressive species (much to birds' dismay). Nightcrawler has a leg span of 6.5".


















4) Mexican gold (Brachypelma rhunaui). This one actually belongs to Jade's lady, Rachel. This species is fairly docile and can reach a leg span of 6", though this 10-year-old specimen is 4" across. The females can reach an age of 20-30 years. They make for wonderful display tarantulas, since they are terrestrial and don't really make use of hides. But they're rare and expensive (about $80 for a hatchling).